Friday, January 30, 2015

kids? I am a kid

I'm really sad today...... since the last time i blogged frankie and i have fallen even deeper in love..... i even went so far as to tell him that i wanted him to marry me and surprisingly he didnt runaway at the thought of it.our love has doubled tripled even in the time we've been together... although he hasnt spent the night with me again since the first time..... i guess thats the fatale flaw, it seems as if . frankie doesnt always have time for me..... it kinda makes me sad. i mean dont get me wrong i know his children come first and i'd never ask him to put me before him but how do i ask for more of his time without seeming needy or clingy?? its quite the conundrum

Thursday, January 22, 2015

unbreak my heart say you love me again

Ok so i know a week ago when i posted i said that frankie broke my heart, that i was devastated, just totall freaken outdone by him leaving me in tears in the middle of the night oin what was supposed to be the best night of my life.....but guess what... here it is a week later and he fixed it.! thats right Frankie came over and spent the night with me last night only it wasn't like last time, it was wonderful and he didnt get mad he didn't leave we made love till both our bodys were sore and i fell asleep in his arms on his warm sexy body. All the kissing all the touching all the caressing and the amazing sex round after round after round, i lost count of how many times i reached climax, but i kept count of his :) over all it was one hell of a night and spending the night with him sleeping in his arms staring into his eyes i fell even deeper in love with him.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

in the throws of passion and the pit of love

Ok I lied I lied lied lied lied!!!! Its midnight and i'm laying here i can't get frankie out of my mind i went to see him earlier today and it was the most wonderful day ever.... so i tried to stick to what i said when i got there i tired not to pay attention to him... but he sensed that and just was not having it.. he did everything he could do to make me smile and it worked i was determined not to kiss him but those sexy lips of his were calling me those big strong hands of his were caressing me and that deep sexy voice of his was beckoning seducing me with every word.... I almost kept my head until...... I ended up in the shower with him (don't ask how) But then all hell broke lose and in the moment i couldn't pretend anymore i couldn't hold back to see that water cascading down that amazing body of his drove me insane.. i found myself in his arms kissing him passionately with my arms wrrapped around him ... i couldn't stop i couldn't get enough... yea we defiled the shower but am i shamed.....?? Nope after that shower my body was weak i couldn't feel my toes lol but gguess what.. Frankie wasn't done we stood in front of the sink where he put his hand in the middle of m back and made me bend over...... and well.... you can only imagine.....Then he picked me up and put me on the counter......it is safe to say my mind was offically blown..... and the sex wasn't even the best part..... Frankie... uttered words i thought he would never say... Frankie said he loved me.... I laid there on the bed trying to contain my scream of excitement but its safe to say this was the most wonderful day ive had since meeting him... he says i was totally glowing when he dropped me off and i can't help it i've said it before and i'll say it again i've fallen hard for this man i'm unchangeably irrevocably in love.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart

Well last night... was a disaster. i was wrong the worse case scenario wasn't the world exploding the worst case was him leaving and not spending the night with me and thats exactly what happened. I'm not really sure why though. one minute we were joking and playing and the next minute he was angry and packing his things and leaving. i begged him not to go, but he wasn't hearing it... My tears have no affect on him so he doesn't even look twice when i begin to cry. I try asking him what i did wrong how i upset him, but he wouldn't tell me. i cried and begged but... he still left. we were in the drive way where i pleaded for him not to go and he said he was leaving anyway, so i ran into the house in tears. A few minutes later i heard the screen door open and i thought maybe he was really coming back to comfort me. but it was just my mother she saw me in tears and i was crying so hard i couldn't even tell her why......Last night was supposed to be the best night of my life, he says he still loves me but why do i feel 3 different kinds of heart break..... last night i cried myself to sleep with my arms wrapped tightly around my pillow and tears running down myface until unconsicousness took over and i passed out, I felt so alone and abandoned.Its like alicia keys said in her song "Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart? well you should try sleeping in my bed."

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

hyperventilation

Sooooo its THURSDAY!!! the epic night where frankie is supposed to spend the night with me yay !!! but i'm real nervous i keep rearranging my room its like the first time hes gonna see my house and im in total freak out mode. like what if he doesn't like the house... what if he doesn't like my family.. what if he decides never to come back again...so i tell my mom i'm like totally freaking and shes like now now >>insert my real name here<< your getting worked up over nothing. Those are all worse case scenarios and your over reacting. and im like over reacting?? worse case scenarios??? hold up hold up hold up hold up. I'm like mom worse case scenario would be like he sees me naked he laughs at me and then the world explodes into a milliontiny pieces making it so that were anilahated before i have a chance at redemptiong. That would be a worse case scenario. So i don't feel like im over reacting at all... In fact i may be under reacting, maybe i should kick it up a notch, and go strait psycho. So i'm like hyperventilating (breathes into paper bag) my asthma is acting up. my heart is beating at like 1000 bpm and i just feel like im gonna burst, So i have to make sure everything is absolutely 100 % perfect.... Frankie if you happen to read this PLEASE take note of the hell i go thru just because i love you (you can't tell me thats not real) lol.

Friday, January 9, 2015

afternoon delights in the devils den

So this is unusual its 2:19 in the afternoon... about half an hour ago i left frankie's house.... It was an innocent visit i swear.. idk what happened. I just wanted to see him and i was so happy and then things got real. His voice dropped to that girl i not playing with u tone and he told me to take my shorts off..... I tried to resist but come on this is frankie were talking about thats damn near impossible......first he tortured me feeling his tongue between my legs sent me into a frenzy. My legs shook and i clutched the sheets... he held my body so i couldn't run.....he didn't stop until i......... well. Next he grabbed my legs and pulled me closer saying he wanted it. i told him no you have to wait till you spend the night with me thursday.. *sigh* frankie wasn't hearin that i'm not sure if "no" is even actually in this mans vocabulary cause as many times as ive said it before he always seems to get what he wants. But i mean i love it... i didn't want it to end. he hit my spot with every stroke and made me hit high notes i didn't think i could ..... it was amazing (mind=blown)

Friday, January 2, 2015

no turning back now

Soooo last night.....I don't know where TO BEGIN.... it was different.... amazingly passionate .... and suprisingly it didn't involve sex.....I made frankie mad... very mad... And you know what i may risk sounding like a freak or a masochist here but when he is mad that man is even sexier..... I wanted him so bad. but i was so upset with myself about making him mad I started to cry.... I havent cried in so long that once the tears started they just wouldn't stop I was so sad and I felt myself losing my happiness... And just when i thought all was lost....Frankie wasn't mad anymore but of course i was still sad he did everything he could to make me stop crying... he wouldn't let me leave the house until i was happy again he said.....at first i didn't wanna let him change my mood, i wanted to just sit there and sulk in my sadness.... But when i was standing up face to face with him..... my body just inches from his staring into his hypnotic hazel eyes, i couldn't help it.....One kiss was all it took for all hell to break lose and my hormom=nes to come bursting through the dam i so diligently built. The tears disappeared and the sobs went away replaced by breathless kisses and sighs of passion.. I felt my body heat up, I felt his nature rise, I felt .... His body pressed against me, his arms wrapped around me his lips on mine..... A moment so filled with passion.... I can't stay sad around frankie its impossible... I dont know what to do. just his touch... just his presence turns my whole day around.... he said it over and over last night.. those forbidden 3 words that is... that he loves me... I love him too and I know why........